Up until our era of awakening, “vulnerability” was deemed an “ugly” word if not repulsive. Generations before us were taught to be strong, endure, and power through. You were not to talk about your emotions or show them in any way. You were to strive for perfection and settle for nothing less. You were to be the best at everything, or at least pretend to be. There was no other way if you wanted society to consider you worthy and successful.

Humanity has been blessed with such a complex spectrum of emotions. We have the ability to experience an astonishing palette of feelings. But we tend to push them away if they don’t have positive connotations. Vulnerability is often at the top of the list of emotions we reject simply because much of society has told us that it is not becoming to expose your emotions to the world and shed your emotional armory. Why should we expose our authentic selves to the world and risk being taken advantage of, ridiculed, or mocked? 

What is vulnerability?

There is no conversation about vulnerability without citing the work of Dr. Brené Brown and her talks and books about the power of vulnerability and the courage to break our vulnerability armor and embrace the entire palette of our emotions. 

Dr. Brené Brown has dedicated the last two decades of her life to studying vulnerability, courage, empathy, and shame. She defines vulnerability as “uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.” Vulnerability can take many shapes. It can be the feeling you get when you step out of your comfort zone, the rapid breathing you feel when you share your emotions, the pit drop in your stomach when you see someone you like, or the inability to speak when you become overly emotional.

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All these feelings help make sense of why we may feel fearful to be vulnerable. However, they shouldn’t stop us from taking that leap into the healing abyss of our emotions. The rewards make all the sudden turns and twists of our inner journey worth it. Dr. Brené Brown mentions that “vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity.” Certainly, the chance to access all this is worth shedding perceived control and exposing our personal vulnerability.

A frozen nervous system, the inability to speak, and tense muscles are all physical manifestations of vulnerability. How can something that may interrupt our daily life be the path to leading a life of courage and emotional plenitude? How can vulnerability lead to a meaningful connection with people in our lives? How can vulnerability add balance to our mental health and allow us to get to know ourselves and bring light to our true needs?


What are the benefits of vulnerability?

If you look back on some of the most dramatic events in your life, you’ll notice that the times when you felt more vulnerable and dared to expose your emotions were the times when you showed the most courage. Furthermore, the times when you stepped out of your comfort zone – taking a new class, learning a new skill, discovering a new place – were also the times when you opened yourself to experience new emotions and grew as a person.

Vulnerability is indeed the “core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness” in the words of best-selling author Dr. Brené Brown, but when we become aware of the epidemic of shame that plagues our lives, stand up to fear, raise our voices to ask for what we deserve, say no when we need to, or admit that we are wrong, we start to reap the benefits of embracing vulnerability.

benefits of vulnerability

When our vulnerability armor comes down, and we dare to feel shame, uncertainty, anxiety, and fear, we can experience:

  • empathy and understanding
  • trust and intimacy in a relationship
  • increased self-worth
  • gratitude
  • creativity
  • personal awareness and accountability
  • personal growth
  • our accurate measure of courage

Vulnerability is the only way to get to know our authentic selves. It opens the path to growth and gives us the courage to fight the need to please others and focus on our well-being. Vulnerability helps us bring to light all our emotions and process them. It takes a lot of courage to stand in front of the world without your armor, but this is the only way toward authentic and meaningful connections with others.

Types of vulnerability

While vulnerability means the same thing in every circumstance, it does take different shapes depending on the environment where we manifest it. 

Vulnerability in relationships

Our relationships benefit the most from our exposed vulnerability. Many fear to reveal their true selves and needs out of shame or fear of rejection or judgment but it’s when you reveal yourself from beyond your shield of cynicism and fear that you get to establish an authentic and meaningful connection with the people in your life. Vulnerability is indeed the birthplace of joy and the one and true path to human connection.

So, have the difficult conversations, ask for what you need, and talk about your hopes and fears. You are both imperfect human beings empowered by your vulnerability. Be patient and take small steps. This cannot be achieved overnight and should not be achieved in a haste. Build that trust, cultivate closeness, and “choose courage over comfort.”

Vulnerability in relationships

Vulnerability in the workplace

The workplace might be considered the last place where you would show your emotions and be vulnerable. You have an image to build and a reputation to protect. However, many of us fall prey to doubts, incessant comparisons with our colleagues, or the imposter syndrome where we feel as if we are not worthy of all our achievements. Remember that self-doubt is paramount for growth. Accept it as part of who you are and work to improve your self-confidence. Ask for help when you need it. Vulnerability is often the foundation of excellent teamwork.

Leaders especially fear showing any crack in their vulnerability armor out of fear of losing the respect of their peers. However, visionary leadership is born out of courage, and courage stems from vulnerability. You can’t dissociate them and, honestly, you shouldn’t even try. Authentic leadership can only be the result of daring leaders who have embraced their vulnerability. Transformative leaders will never hide in their comfort zone. If your dream is to become a confident leader who practices true leadership, you need to be willing to experience shame and fear. 

Vulnerability in community

Too many generations have lost their true selves because they feared “what people are going to say.” Shame has crushed so many spirits and broken so many lives that it hurts just to think about it. Parents have taught their children to always look and act impeccably, and children have learned that only “positive” emotions are acceptable. We are now afraid to say no to other people just because they would think “bad things” about us or label us as selfish.

When you embrace your vulnerability, you allow yourself to invite only the people you want in your life. You give yourself permission to make the best decisions for yourself and your family and simply remove yourself from situations you are not comfortable with. You are empowered to set healthy boundaries and rearrange your priorities to better reflect your needs.

Vulnerability in community

How to embrace vulnerability?

The key to becoming comfortable with your own vulnerability is to let things fall apart and give up on this hurtful idea that we have to be in control at all times. The closer you get to your own vulnerability, the more your life is going to change. Vulnerability helps you improve your self-awareness and admit the fact that you don’t know everything and you shouldn’t in the first place. It frees you from the prison of perfection and validation and opens the way to accepting risk, uncertainty, and that dreaded feeling of being uncomfortable.

When you break down the walls around your comfort zone and step into the unknown, you get to explore, learn, and grow. You will see your relationships in a different light and start to understand the thought process behind your decisions. You learn to love with all your heart. What can be more beautiful than becoming a “wholehearted” being, as Dr. Brené Brown describes people who embrace their vulnerability and dare to love without conditions?

Find the courage to see beyond the myths of vulnerability. Understand that vulnerability is not weakness or a dispensable set of emotions. Vulnerability should not be used as a bargaining chip or confused with full disclosure. It shouldn’t be used recklessly but only manifested in front of the people who deserve our truth. Vulnerability creates a sense of belonging, the innate need we all have in our quest for happiness. It should be used as a foundation of our relationships and a way to create new connections.

Vulnerability gives us access to profound insights about ourselves. These transformative insights help us build self-esteem, combat anxiety and depression, reduce stress, and live fuller lives. Leading a meaningful life and having profound connections with other people can improve both our physical and mental health. Take the time to acknowledge your emotions without judgment, look for value in your life and relationships, and practice vulnerability every day. 

Window of tolerance” is a term introduced by Dr. Dan Siegel in his book, The Developing Mind. The term is now commonly used to define and understand the zone of arousal of individuals where the brain functions normally and the body reacts healthily to outside external stimuli without signs of hyper – arousal or hypo – arousal.

People who are able to stay within their window of tolerance in their everyday lives do not need to utilize mechanisms such as withdrawal or extreme emotions when faced with potentially stressful situations. When you act within your window of tolerance, you can process the information from your environment in a calm and regulated manner without outbursts of emotions or the sudden need to shut down and isolate yourself.

What is the window of tolerance?

The window of tolerance is the optimal arousal level that allows individuals to function normally and manage day-to-day stress effectively. People with an optimal window of tolerance can react healthily to stress and anxiety and manage difficulties without feeling flooded by their emotions. This is their comfort zone, where the brain gives them all the necessary tools to self-regulate their emotional responses.

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The moment you step outside your window of tolerance, your brain loses its capacity to function well, and you struggle to maintain a rational train of thought, reflect, or feel calm, grounded, and safe. This is when you can experience either hyper-arousal or hypo-arousal:

  • hyper-arousal (the fight-or-flight response) – often takes the shape of excessive activation, anxiety symptoms, panic attacks, fear, anger, hypervigilance, and agitation.
  • hypo-arousal (the freeze response) – leads to emotional numbness, dissociation, lack of energy, feelings of emptiness, and depression.

In either state, the brain loses its ability to function properly and react calmly to stressors and stimuli. The prefrontal cortex region of the brain shuts down, and individuals lose their capacity to maintain their calm and reasonable reactions. This often leads to chaotic responses, brain function dysregulation, and outbursts of emotions.


What can impact our window of tolerance?

Each individual has a window of tolerance. Their window of tolerance varies depending on several factors, including childhood experiences, traumatic experiences, and their environment. People tend to function better when they feel safe and supported and are better equipped to stay for longer within their window of tolerance.

Children with caregivers who took the time to help them understand their feelings and made them feel safe often grow up to have a wider window of tolerance due to their secure foundation and the increased ability to tolerate a broad range of thoughts and emotions.

Children growing up without people teaching them how to tolerate their feelings or understand that all emotions are “allowed” often feel alone and confused, struggle with childhood anxiety, and develop a narrow window of tolerance.

Individuals with a narrow window of tolerance may feel overwhelmed when faced with stress or novelty, while those with a wider window of tolerance have the necessary tolerance to manage stressful situations and intense emotions without feeling overwhelmed or emotionally flat.

Those who have experienced childhood trauma or other types of complex trauma, such as abuse or sexual assault, as well as people struggling with mental health issues often find it difficult to stay within their window of tolerance and struggle to maintain their optimal arousal level.

As their window of tolerance becomes narrower, individuals may perceive the outside world as more dangerous than it is and may find themselves more often in a fight-or-flight response or freeze response. Consequently, people who frequently find themselves outside their window of tolerance often experience post-traumatic stress, anxiety, or depression.


How to recognize your window of tolerance

Emotions follow a pattern of ups and downs. All humans experience anger, pain, anxiety, and hurt at some point in their lives. Do we have the right tools to cope with the ebb and flow that makes us human and regulate our nervous system to manage emotional distress in a healthy manner that keeps us grounded and helps us grow? 

Recognizing your window of tolerance means taking the time to observe your reactions and understanding the way you function. It also means paying attention to outside stimuli and your reaction to them and noticing when you operate within your window of tolerance and when you feel pushed out of it.

Pay attention to any signs and try to associate them with the situations that have triggered them. Identify your symptoms and distress level and keep an eye on the cause. Awareness is essential if you want to learn how to stay within your window of tolerance and self-regulate as soon as you experience the first signs of dysregulation.

How to widen your window of tolerance

A wider window of tolerance means an increased tolerance to stress, improved brain function, and a better grasp of the ability to think and feel at the same time. Widening your window of tolerance helps maintain your emotional balance and rational and helpful responses for longer when faced with various obstacles life throws at you. So, how can you increase your window of tolerance to better control your emotions and reactions to outside stimuli?


Practice mindfulness 

Mindfulness helps us pay attention to our emotions and stay in the present moment. It does not focus on finding a way to stop what we are feeling. Instead, it switches attention to the causes of our emotions and allows them to run their course without reacting negatively. Take the time to be aware of everything you’re feeling and allow yourself to feel every emotion. Be open and do not try to block negative emotions. Let them flow so they can find their way out of your mind and body without impacting your brain function. Accept your emotions, hold the judgment, and avoid multitasking. This too shall pass, and you’ll learn from it!

Prioritize overall wellness

Happiness is not a given mental state. It is something we have to work towards every single day of our life. Grow your happiness by focusing on increasing your DOSE chemicals – dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, endorphin, responsible for a happy state of mind:

  • meditate
  • check tasks on your to-do lists
  • create art, music, crafts
  • socialize
  • listen to music
  • cuddle and hug
  • go outside
  • get a massage
  • laugh
  • cry
  • eat dark chocolate or crunchy or spicy foods



Self-regulation techniques can help you stay within your window of tolerance and maintain a wider comfort zone. As soon as you feel you are stepping out of your window of tolerance, resort to one or several self-regulation strategies to get back to your optimal level of arousal. Self-regulation techniques depend on the type of arousal you experience.

Hyper-arousal self-regulation strategies:

  • let go of your anger – lie down to calm yourself, stretch your arms in front of you, shake it off, or hug yourself for a couple of seconds;
  • breath – hold your breath for 3 seconds, do at least 10 deep breaths, or take a long deep breath and exhale with your mouth;
  • meditate – meditation and yoga can help you regulate your emotions and thoughts while allowing you to regain control.

Hypo-arousal self-regulation strategies:

  • activate your senses – listen to music, eat tasty food, get a massage, take a bath, light an aromatic candle;
  • exercise – try grounding exercises that connect you with the floor and allow you to see and touch objects around you.


Ask for help

Talking with a therapist about your window of tolerance problems can provide the right tools to help you self-regulate and come back from a hyper-aroused state or hyper-arousal state within your window of tolerance

Therapists create a safe space where people struggling with dysregulation due to a narrow window of tolerance can share their emotions in full detail, become aware of their feelings and thoughts, and, most importantly, identify the causes behind their emotional state. 

A mental health provider can teach you how to connect to the present moment and use cognitive techniques to better gauge your level of hyper-arousal or hypo-arousal. Furthermore, they can provide access to the best breathing technique for you and equip you with the right tools to identify warning signs, calm your nervous system and self-regulate.

As our society evolves and understands that behind the concept of awakening hides, in fact, our truth and the only path to mental health, more and more people dare to share their stories. Stories that shatter prejudice and stomp over social constructs meant to imprison them. Stories that enlighten and open minds. Stories that start conversations!

One of the most recent conversations that may have raised some eyebrows but allowed individuals to share their truth is about polyamory. Polyamorous individuals have pleaded for their right to live outside the norms of monogamy and find happiness in their own way, even if this means going against traditional beliefs and a rigid view of love.

Social constructs like monogamy and marriage, deeply rooted in our culture and mentality, should no longer be universally accepted truths. They are not and never have been the only way to achieve emotional fulfillment and sexual satisfaction. They are just two choices on the vast spectrum of types of relationships. Polyamory is simply another choice, not an exception from the rule. Polyamory is another possible path individuals can choose in their journey to find themselves and experience a fulfilling union with other people.

holding hands

What is polyamory?

Polyamory comes from the Greek word “poly” which means “many or several” and the Latin word “amor” which means “love”. Included under the umbrella term of “consensual non monogamy,” polyamory is a type of relationship that involves loving more than one person at a time. A polyamorous person is in consenting relationships with multiple people with the full knowledge of all parties involved.

Polyamorous individuals can be heterosexual, gay, lesbian, or bisexual. Polyamorous relationships can include combinations of married and non-married couples, as well as people of different sexual orientations. While polyamory is not considered to be a sexual orientation per se, thus polyamorous families can’t benefit from the protected statute provided to protect against employment and housing discrimination, some polyamorous individuals claim they identify polyamory as their sexual orientation.

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Seen as a lifestyle choice by many polyamorous couples, polyamory should not be confused with polygamy, which means having more than one spouse, nor with swinging in which monogamous couples have casual sexual experiences with people in other couples. Furthermore, polyamory is not an “open relationship” where partners are allowed to have other sexual partners without necessarily disclosing information regarding their sexual activity outside the couple.

women smiling

What are the rules of polyamory?

Since polyamory is a form of expression of one’s true self and a way to establish a rewarding and fulfilling emotional connection with other individuals, there are no set rules for polyamory, just like there are no rules on how to love someone. While monogamy is fulfilling for a lot of people and marriage perfectly encapsulates their idea of love, these constructs may seem daunting, boring, or unattainable to others, simply because some persons need more than one sexual and/or romantic partner to feel fulfillment.

If there would be one rule polyamorous people should follow, it is the absolute need for honesty. Polyamory does not base itself on cheating, infidelity, adultery, or deception. It is a form of ethical non-monogamy founded on love, respect, and honesty. Polyamorous relationships can be as unique as the parties involved are, and every polyamorous relationship can have its own approach.

With more than 21 percent of people in the United States reporting they have engaged in consensual nonmonogamy at some point, it is fair to say that polyamory is not an extravagance or whim. Nevertheless, although it may be a life choice for some, for others it may be just a phase that allows them to better know themselves, understand their needs and expectations from their partners, and improve their monogamous relationships.

couple who love each other

Types of polyamory relationships

Since polyamory is a concept meant to allow individuals to go beyond the misconceptions of love’s “best practices”, polyamorous partners can shape their relationships as they wish. The polyamorous community has no models of what the perfect polyamorous partnership should look like. Polyamorous individuals can shape their romantic relationships to echo their needs and psychological well-being, as long as their partnership is based on honest communication and the relationship agreement is clear for all parties involved.

That said, polyamory can take various forms that may change in time as individuals evolve and want to readjust their relationship style. While most poly relationships involve a married couple who openly and consensually start independent or joint relationships outside their primary relationship, some polyamorous individuals have independent, separate relationships. Below you’ll find some of the most common types of polyamory:

Hierarchical poly – a hierarchical polyamorous relationship between a “primary” couple and “secondary” partners.

Triad – a relationship with three people where two people are dating a third one or just one of the people is dating two different people.

Throuple – a form of a triad where all the three people are involved with each other intimately; they may or may not live together, but they are committed to each other.

Quad – a relationship with four people that may involve two polyamorous couples or simply four individuals having romantic or intimate relationships with one another.

relationship of four

Kitchen table polyamory – all parties are emotionally connected in a family-like network without all being necessarily romantically involved.

Polycule – a network of people who are romantically connected – different combinations between primary and secondary partners.

Solo polyamory – an individual who has multiple emotional connections and/or sexual relationships with multiple partners but wants to keep their single lifestyle and prefers not to have a primary partner.

What challenges lie ahead for polyamorous individuals?

The reasons people abandon monogamous relationships and explore the world of polyamory are varied. Some may choose consensual non-monogamous relationships as a way to grow and find their voice. Some may feel fulfilled only when involved with multiple partners. Regardless of the reason, polyamorous relationships just like monogamous relationships come with their own shares of challenges.

relationship of three

There is no correct way of being in a polyamorous relationship, as there is no right way to be a polyamorous person to achieve the desired emotional intimacy and sexual connections you are longing for. However, the need for clear boundaries and open communication for all parties involved has proved to be essential for both the individuals’ well-being and the success of relationships.

Nonmonogamous and polyamorous relationships may prove to be more complex than expected, and some individuals may struggle and experience emotional challenges. To ensure a healthy polyamorous relationship and promote an emotionally-balanced environment for all parties involved to find happiness inside the relationship, polyamorous individuals would benefit from:

Setting boundaries

Emotional and physical boundaries help shape the dynamic of the relationship(s). The parties involved should establish their polyamorous status with others, decide on the amount of time they spend with each other, and agree on what they divulge about their relationship with the outside world. Furthermore, boundaries should address the type of intimacy allowed, as well as the limits of each partner’s sexual freedom.

Communicating effectively

Communication is key for polyamorous people looking to get the most out of their emotional relationship with their partners. Any relationship expert will insist on the importance of communicating your needs, feelings, and expectations to your partner, and this applies to all types of romantic relationships. Jealousy is a real feeling, and it will, at times, appear in a poly relationship. Instead of hiding it and allowing it to turn into resentment, you need to express it and manage it in a healthy way. If this can’t be achieved on your own, a relationship therapist may provide the right tools to channel it into more productive thoughts.

happy relationship

Supporting each other

People who enter polyamorous relationships should do so with an open heart and mind. Their relationship will benefit greatly from learning how to support one another and showing respect and courtesy. Talk openly and honestly with each of your partners. This will allot for vulnerability and greater connection.

As many around the world are becoming aware of inclusiveness in our society, there is more awareness to be spread, especially when it comes to the importance of the International Transgender Day of Visibility.

This day in particular not only brings awareness to those who identify as transgender but is also an event that allows the world to hear the stories of transgender people who have dealt with significant challenges. These stories include instances of discrimination and violence against trans people.

If you or someone you know may be transgender, the International Transgender Day of Visibility is an important and significant day. While some may not be supportive of those in the LGBTQIA community, fortunately, many are.

Let’s discuss the International Transgender Day of Visibility further.

March 31 is International Transgender Day of Visibility

The first-ever International Transgender Day of Visibility was held in 2009. Since then, the event has taken place every March 31. This is a day of recognition of the achievements of the transgender community, as well as one of the annual events that bring awareness regarding the struggles transgender people face daily.

Transgender flag

It is also a time to celebrate those who identify as transgender or non-binary. Transgender folks and gender non-binary people should be included in all of society. Even today, members of the transgender community still face discrimination and stigma.

Thse individuals carry the burden of discrimination and stigma in multiple facets of life, from employment and education to housing opportunities and so on.  International Transgender Day of Visibility is a day where those in the LGBTQ community and cisgender allies encourage our government officials to pass legislation that will raise awareness around discrimination against trans people and protect the transgender community.

It’s also a time to remember those who lost their lives due to violence because of their identity as transgender individuals. Many of those victims are transgender women of color. Advocates from around the world are continuing to become the voice for those who continue to fight for equality for transgender and non-binary individuals.

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Love conquers hate

Transgender people continue to face harassment and violence for their identity. It is important that society mobilizes to help these individuals lives without fear of discrimination and violence.

Unfortunately, the epidemic of violence against transgender people continues. We must do our part to make sure they are protected accordingly. It is also important that every transgender activist do their part to stop anti-transgender bills that are being discussed by state government officials.

transgender community

If you are transgender or know someone who is, remember that there are therapy services   available to help trans* and gender non-binary indivuals  Wile you may feel scared, alone, and ulovable, I want you know you matter.  You’ll find a compassionate, understanding, and nurturing therapist here. My aim is to help you embrace who you are and feel well cared for. 

A Proclamation on International Transgender Day of Visibility, 2021

On March 31, 2021, President Joe Biden officially declared March 31 as International Transgender Day of Visibility. The proclamation stated that it celebrates the achievements and resiliency of transgender individuals. It also stated the challenges that transgender individuals still face including harassment, discrimination, and even deadly violence.

The Biden-Harris Administration is advocating to stamp out discrimination and provide freedom and equality for all. It remains to be seen what kind of work will be done. Until then, it is important that we continue to speak in favor and advocate for the trans community. Trans people must and should be a part of society as citizens and nothing less than that. They need to be treated with dignity and respect.

Wear and Show Your Pride of the Trans* Community

Whether you are a member of the transgender community or an ally, it is important everyday but especially on March 31 that you show your pride and support of the trans* community.  Allies of the trans community must call their local legislation and advocate for the removal of anti-trans bills. They must also be vocal about their support of the trans community anywhere from their social circle to their work to their families.  The trans* community needs the cisgender communities support and advocacy.  

transgender couple

HRC Honors International Transgender Day of Visibility

Every year, the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) honors the transgender community on the International Transgender Day of Visibility. The organization hosts an annual summit aimed at providing justice and advocacy for those in the transgender community.

Their goal is to ensure that no anti-transgender bills currently discussed across several states get passed. The HRC believes that these bills are not at the request of their constituents but rather used for political purposes to further an agenda of hate.

They are often created by government officials on the far right. Many people – including many supporters of former President Donald Trump – have voiced their disapproval for such legislation to be passed.

In about four states, such bills have been sent to their respective Governors. The fate of these bills is yet to be known. For the time being, many hope the executives make the right choice and reject the policies that would lead to further discrimination and pave the way for more invisibility in the transgender community.

transgender day

Final Thoughts

International Transgender Day of Visibility is a day where we celebrate the transgender community. It is also a time when we remember those who have lost their lives in senseless tragedies because of their identity. Take a moment to listen to the stories of the people in the transgender community.

You can do that every day of the year! You too can do your part to make sure transgender individuals live a life where they can be free of fear and enjoy the same rights as everyone else.

Grief is a natural part of life and loss, which can affect many aspects of life. Understanding grief and the grieving process can help you cope with grief in a healthy and sustainable way.

What Is Grief?

Grief is your natural response to loss and trauma. Many situations, no matter big or small, can lead to grief. Here are some of the most common triggers that may result in grief:

  • Divorce or breakup
  • Health decline
  • Health decline of a loved one
  • Job loss and financial instability
  • Large change in life, i.e., graduating from college or changing careers
  • Retirement
  • Loss of a friendship
  • Loss of an important dream
  • Miscarriage
  • Death of a friend or family member
  • Traumatic death
  • Death of a pet

What Is Grief

The pain associated with grief can feel overwhelming, resulting in a lot of unexpected emotions and may cause physical side effects. Without healthy coping mechanisms, grief can strongly interfere with your physical health. You might find it difficult to eat, sleep, and even think.

Although grief is a normal part of life, it can evolve into a recognized mental health disorder, otherwise known as prolonged grief disorder (the official psychiatric name for the disorder) or complicated grief disorder. It happens whenever feelings of grief do not subside for months or years after the event.

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Symptoms of Grief

Grief is accompanied by a wide range of emotions and symptoms. In many cases, intense feelings of sadness overcome the individual, but other feelings crop up too. Unresolved grief can also lead to physical symptoms, including chest pains, sore muscles, and headaches.

Experiencing these symptoms is a part of normal grief. However, being able to recognize them will help you to better handle them and develop ways to cope.

Symptoms of Grief

Emotional Symptoms of Grief

Emotional symptoms of grief often include periods of sadness, intense sadness, painful memories, and the inability to experience moments of joy. For many individuals, these symptoms are the most notable and difficult to get through while grieving. Emotional symptoms of grief include:

  • Bitterness
  • Detachment
  • Feelings of emptiness
  • Inability to show and/or experience joy
  • Increased irritability
  • Intense emotions
  • Emotional numbness
  • Periods of sadness
  • Profound sadness
  • Preoccupation with loss

Physical Symptoms of Grief

Grief does more than just disrupt your emotional well-being. Physical symptoms can pop up as well alongside emotional pain. Some of the most common physical symptoms of grief include headaches and fatigue, but many other symptoms can arise as well, such as:

  • Changes in weight
  • Chest pain
  • Digestive problems
  • Fatigue
  • Headaches
  • Inability to sleep or sleeping too much
  • Sore muscles

person in grief

The 5 Stages of Grief

Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross theorized that grief involves 5 stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

  • Denial: Denial involves minimizing the overwhelming feelings of loss you may feel. It involves disbelief of the loss so that you can understand what is happening and survive the situation. The denial phase often involves memories where you are reflecting on past experiences with the person you have lost.
  • Anger: Adjusting to the loss of a loved one often results in extreme anger. Anger is often an outlet to get your emotions out. It allows you to express your emotions with less rejection or judgment.
  • Bargaining: Extreme feelings of loss make most individuals willing to do anything to get rid of the pain. There are many ways that the bargaining phase plays out, but many involve a variety of promises, many of them addressed to a divinity. During this phase, feelings of helplessness often come to the forefront as you are protesting to a higher power.
  • Depression: Eventually, processing grief takes a dark turn and results in depression. This often happens when denial, anger, and bargaining are not working.
  • Acceptance: Acceptance does not involve the absence of pain. Instead, acceptance is when you do not resist reality and recognize that life has changed. Intense feelings may still be there, but you are not trying to alter your reality.

It’s important to note that these different stages don’t always happen linearly. You might feel denial one day and bargaining the next, and you might go through a series of weeks before acceptance.

The 5 Stages of Grief

Coping with Grief and Loss

Experiencing grief and loss is one of the most difficult challenges in life, and it never gets easier. It’s okay to feel sad and lost, this is normal. Although you cannot make feelings of loss go away, there are healthy ways to cope with grief. It’s important to learn healthy coping mechanisms so that you can continue living a healthy life, despite the loss.

Don’t let the pain of loss lead to isolation. Isolation is a common occurrence when experiencing grief. It’s imperative to fight the urge to isolate oneself and find ways to cope with grief and loss with the help of your friends, family members, and health care professionals.

Maintain relationships with friends and family members. Keep involving your friends and family members who are supportive of you in your life. Although it might feel awkward or embarrassing to confide in them, they will be there for you through thick and thin. Rely on their acceptance and ask for help when needed.

Lean on your faith. If you have faith, embrace the comfort that comes from your higher power. Whether you prefer meditating or going to church, faith can help you ground yourself during the grieving process.

Find comfort in routines. Create a healthy and normal routine. Incorporating healthy habits in your usual activities can help create a reliable and stable sense of reality. Incorporate exercise and healthy food into your daily routine. This stability can help you cope with your grief without disrupting your future life too much.


Contact counseling professionals. If you feel your grief is overwhelming, contact a therapist or grief counselor. A mental health professional and grief counseling can help you navigate your feelings when you find it difficult to control them on your own. This can include individual counseling, family counseling, and group counseling.

If you need a grief counselor to help you through this difficult time and get back to daily life, get in touch. Our grief counseling is addressed to individuals experiencing emotional and psychological trauma from loss and grief.

Additionally for grief group counseling we highly recommend Our House Grief Support Center.

Mental illness does not discriminate. Unfortunately, some therapists do. Finding an inclusive therapist is often a daunting mission for marginalized individuals struggling with mental health issues caused by racism, sexism, homophobia, or transphobia. Oppression in psychotherapy continues to prevent indigenous people, people of color, people with disabilities, BIPOC, and members of the LGBTQIA community to access proper and quality mental healthcare.

Modern therapy often continues to treat categories of individuals instead of treating the individual. Some clinicians still dismiss clients as being oversensitive when racism issues are raised while others continue to believe homosexuality can be fixed. The sole fact that trans people and nonbinary individuals need to base their gender confirmation surgery on a therapist’s official recommendation is a clear indication that modern therapy continues to maltreat marginalized communities and refuses to accept the complexity of our identity.

What is an inclusive therapist?

An inclusive therapist is a clinician who understands the need to include the principles of social justice and intersectionality in their work. They have acknowledged the existence of oppressive therapy practices designed to harm marginalized identities and rooted in our society’s patriarchal, racist, sexist, homophobic, and transphobic power structures and are determined to deconstruct them while keeping an open mind and heart to understand the individual – their identity, culture, experiences, and struggles. Individuals coming from marginalized communities are often looking for therapists who share their identity or culture in hopes of establishing a connection through shared values and experiences.

Muslim psychologist

However, a culturally responsive, social justice-oriented therapist doesn’t always need to share the client’s identity to provide valuable and competent mental health care services. They do not need to come from the same background nor go through the same experiences to meet them at their intersections and offer the help they need to conquer their fears, embrace themselves, establish healthy relationships, and overcome obstacles imposed by a rigid society. A competent clinician who has taken the steps to acknowledge and conquer their own biases and is continuously educating themselves regarding marginalized communities, gender diversity, racial identity, and other social justice-related issues will have the right tools to know how to listen, ask, and provide feedback to their clients.

No matter how you may feel, change is possible!

We'll work side by side to uncover the challenges and patterns that keep you from living the life you desire.


Ask yourself the right questions

It would be wonderful if Facebook ads could guide your steps toward the perfect inclusive therapist for you. However, choosing a therapist is a mission too personal to entrust into the hands of keywords and algorithms. You need to do a bit of soul-searching and see what you truly expect and need from your therapist. Ask yourself some questions, and chances are the answers will help you find an anti-oppressive, inclusive therapist.

woman at a session with inclusive therapist

What do you want from your therapist?

Some black people prefer to work with black therapists, people of color may prefer therapists of color, while a religious person may choose a Christian therapist who shares their values. A member of the LGBTQIA community may be inclined to work with an LGBTQIA-inclusive therapist, and a female-identified person may feel more comfortable sharing her inner struggles with a female-identified therapist. However, this is not the only way to find a therapist. A shared identity with your therapist does not guarantee a good and well-attuned fit.

Furthermore, choosing a therapist based exclusively on their identity may rob you of your chance to work with an inclusive clinician whose professional training and expertise may resonate better with your needs and mental health goals. It is important to assess all the information before making your decision and take into consideration the clinician’s identity, as well as their training and experience.


What should your therapy experience be like?

You also need to think about your therapy sessions and the way they should be conducted. Do you want your mental health therapy session to be based on a set of questions, or do you prefer a conversational approach? Is sitting on a couch something that will do for you? Would you rather have an online session while discussing your issues with your therapist? Are you looking for individual therapy or do you need couples counseling? Is gender-affirming therapy what you need right now? Make sure your therapy experience echoes your needs and creates a comfortable space for you to share and receive advice.

Ask for recommendations

Recommendations are often a good place to start your research. Talk to people you know who can recommend inclusive therapists and see if they can give you the number of a clinician who can provide the help you seek. You can also go through directories for therapists where you can find clinicians with the training and experience you require.

If you are a member of an online community, you can always ask your fellow members if they can share any positive experience they have had with therapists who address the type of issues you are struggling with. You can also discuss this topic with local groups. For example, if you need therapy related to domestic abuse, you can try to find therapist profiles through a local advocacy organization. Make a list of the therapists who have the training and experience you are looking for, and get in touch with them.

inclusive therapist

Schedule a consultation meeting

A consultation meeting with potential clinicians is the perfect opportunity to assess the therapist’s foundational knowledge of your identity and culture and see if you “click” with them. Now is the time to ask your questions and see how the interaction flows. You could ask them if they have experience in the area you want to talk about, and evaluate their approach to the subject.

It is important to feel you are sharing your experiences in a safe space where you don’t have to continuously explain terminology, culture, and the values of your community. A competent therapist with inclusivity skills will always make you feel comfortable enough to open up about your challenges while providing mental health services tailored to your own individuality, identity, and background.

How do you know if your inclusive therapist gets you?

An inclusive therapist who gets you notices and understands your multifaceted identities. They should not only focus on you being a person of color, a person struggling with gender identity, or an individual with a drug abuse problem. Inclusive therapists should take the time to understand every aspect of identity while considering your background, community, and culture. They should also trust and validate your own understanding of your identity and help you through any life transitions you may be facing.

crying patient

When you are working with an inclusive therapist that’s right for you when you don’t have to constantly defend or explain your identity to them and underline why certain aspects of your identity are crucial for your treatment. An inclusive therapist knows how to honor a client’s experience of identity and they will be open to receiving feedback from their client and allow the space for them to fully express themselves. If the client has concerns or requires therapy adjustments, the clinician should be open to discussing the necessary functional changes to help the client make the most of their time spent together.

Prefer to watch? Below is the full interview with special guest Caitlin Harrison that served as the original inspiration for this article.

Religion has always played an important role in many communities. Some people find comfort and peace in religion, while others cling to the hope it provides when tragedy occurs. Religion was meant to bring people together, provide a safe space for like-minded individuals that have a shared belief system, and create rituals to encourage togetherness, the feeling of belonging, and unity.

However, things take a turn for the worse when religion becomes indoctrination. This is when religion forgoes its original purpose of providing love and hope and becomes a reason for psychological and physical abuse. When members of a congregation experience a loss of sense of autonomy, shame associated with their emotions, and a constant fear of punishment from a religious leader, parent, guardian, or even the divine itself, religion turns into a source of trauma and mental disorders.

sad guy

What are the causes of religious trauma?

Religious trauma is the result of different experiences that occur in a religious community, within a church, or spiritual community that exposes the members to indoctrination messages, coercion, humiliation, embarrassment, and abuse. Here are some of the instances that may lead to religious trauma:

  • Exposure to religious leaders who insist on being the only source of authority in the life of congregants and base their preaching on cultivating fear and shame
  • A religious institution that requires financial participation or sacrifice for members to access blessings or eternal life from a god or deity
  • Individuals in positions of power who force members to participate in religious ceremonies or use fear of hell or punishment to earn their abnegation
  • Suppression of normal child development through limited access to information and the teaching of dysfunctional beliefs
  • Stifling independent thinking and creating self-doubt, to diminish the agency of members
  • Victimization through physical and/or sexual abuse, as well as constant exposure to unhealthy sexual views and applying punishment to achieve discipline, obedience, and purity of soul

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We'll work side by side to uncover the challenges and patterns that keep you from living the life you desire.


What are the symptoms of religious trauma?

Religious trauma manifests in different forms, and just like with any other type of trauma, it needs to be acknowledged before it can be treated. The support of therapists with knowledge in the field of trauma-informed care is essential for the well-being and health of religious trauma survivors who often find themselves experiencing symptoms like:

Cognitive deficiencies – confusion, perfectionism, lack of self-confidence and self-respect, and difficulty with decision-making skills.

Emotional challenges – anger, difficulty with pleasure, overwhelming feelings of guilt and shame, lethargy, anxiety disorders, and depression.

Social obstacles – difficulty forming healthy relationships, sexual difficulty, loss of social network, sense of isolation, and impeded social development.

PTSD symptoms – nightmares, panic attacks, fear, flashbacks, dissociation, etc.


What is religious trauma syndrome?

Religious trauma syndrome (RTS) is a consequence of religious trauma. While it is not in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, it’s a term that has been gaining traction. RTS manifests in most people who have suffered religious abuse or have been exposed to dysfunctional beliefs due to their religious affiliation.

People struggling with RTS are usually individuals who have left a dogmatic religion or have abandoned a belief system that led to their indoctrination. This major step marks the beginning of their new life outside a controlling environment or religious figure and opens the door to freedom, but also to symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder.

Finding themselves in a world without an “official” leader and guidance, where they need to rely on their own independent thinking, people with RTS are often exposed to a roller-coaster of emotions where the beatitude and excitement of being free alternate with an overwhelming state of fear, grief, rage, panic attacks, and depression.


The effects of religious trauma

Religious trauma can emotionally paralyze an individual and significantly impact their mental health. Authoritarian religions equip individuals with a set of negative beliefs that have no practical use in the real world. Furthermore, religious beliefs founded on emotional and physical abuse may continue to impact lives for a long time after the individuals have found the strength to release themselves from the yoke of damaging spiritual beliefs and traumatic religious experiences.

The effects of religious trauma may make their presence felt in different aspects of life. From the feeling that they don’t belong in the real world and the belief they are detached from everything that happens culturally around them to the constant guilt, shame, and fear that rule supreme. People who have experienced religious trauma may face an avalanche of emotions.

trauma syndrome

While people suffering from RTS may feel relieved and hopeful to be free of the religious dogma, they may continue to feel ostracized by the community they left behind and experience a constant fear of being punished by the superior being they used to worship.

The impact of religious trauma on LGBTQ individuals

The contradictory emotions brought on by religious trauma are often experienced by members of the LGBTQ community. The members of this community who have been raised or exposed to toxic religious beliefs may find themselves stuck in shame, rejection, and fear of divine damnation. Some folks may even be forced into conversion therapy which can cause long damaging effects. It has been proven that this unethical treatment is ineffective and harmful. Toxic indoctrination can be overcome with the help of mental health professionals, but it requires work and the belief that while the road ahead is long, you have the tools you need to conquer all obstacles.


Some LGTBQ people find a way to overcome fear and shame by rejecting organized religion and learning to accept and love themselves exactly as they are. Others find different faith communities that cherish their individuality and refrain from judging or using fear and shame as weapons. Whether they choose to lose their faith or embrace healthy spiritual beliefs, the damage of religious trauma will continue to linger if they do not take the time to process it accordingly.

If you need help processing the nightmares, fear, and guilt associated with the negative conditioning left behind from religious trauma, working together with your therapist can be immensely helpful. It will give you access to the necessary tools to learn to internalize love, detach yourself from dogma, overcome mental illness, and find a new path towards emotional, mental, and spiritual balance.

Resources for Folx Wanting Support and Community

Books on Religious Trauma written by White authors:

Books on Religious Trauma written by BIPOC authors:

Books on Religious Trauma written by Queer authors:

Books on Religious Trauma outside of Christianity:

Books on Religious Trauma and Sexual Healing:

Books on Religious Trauma and pursuing non-religion afterwards:


  • Latter-Day Lesbian: an ex-Mormon gay woman who tackles religious trauma and later-in-life LGBTQ issues with her friend.
  • This Little Light of Mine is an LGBTQ+ tale of terror (growing up as a closeted Gay Christian in the Evangelical church) that led to trauma (cPTSD, religious trauma, spiritual abuse, sexual abuse, addiction) to what I intend to become triumph.
  • Marie, Myself, & I: Marie LePage D’Elephant talks about neurodivergence, ethical non-monogamy, sexuality, religious trauma, secular spirituality, and all things deconstructive.
  • Heal Religious Trauma: Religious Trauma Syndrome is real! And with it comes symptoms of PTSD and CPTSD, ranging anywhere from mild to severe. Join Advanced Life Coach, NLP Practitioner and Hypnotherapist Stevie Noah (a religious trauma survivor) as she navigates the challenges and helps other survivors heal and reinvent their lives!
  • Queer After Religion: The QAR Podcast seeks to celebrate the incredible stories of queer people who have left authoritarian religion and are finding a new way. Ex-religious and former fundamentalist host, Derek Matthew Miller, offers up intimate questions and topics for his guests as they discuss the intersection of religion and queerness, life lessons, and how to find peace, love, and progress through it all.
  • Dirty Rotten Church Kids: Millennial dads figuring out life, art and culture on the other side of the evangelical bubble

Anxiety per se is not a mental health issue. It is a human feature that has helped humanity survive and evolve as a species. Anxiety has often proven to be a useful emotion that helped us be cautious, identify potential threats, and avoid being deceived. It is important to remember that anxiety, as a primary emotion, is not a bad thing or a fault. Society is actually benefiting from wary people who think about what could go wrong and come up with adequate measures to prevent potential tragic situations. However, things change when we are talking about anxiety disorder. Anxiety left unchecked can easily take over our lives and snowball into a profound mental health issue.

How do people with anxiety feel?

Anxiety disorder is a mental health issue that can consume the individual. People with anxiety disorders may feel irrational fears and anxious thoughts that can transform into obsessions. Furthermore, they can often experience panic attacks that can eventually prevent them from living normal lives.

Whether we are talking about, social anxiety – when the person has an overwhelming fear of embarrassing themselves in social situations, or health anxiety – when the person is obsessed with the idea they may develop health problems, a person with anxiety finds it very difficult to take control of their emotion and rationalize their thoughts and fears.

anxiety feel

The most common forms of anxiety include:

  • generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) – constant worry, fears, and emotions related to everyday activities; it lasts for at least six months.
  • panic disorder – recurrent unexpected panic attacks that manifest as intense fear or discomfort and last for a few minutes.
  • social anxiety disorder – the intense fear of being judged or rejected in a social situation.

No matter how you may feel, change is possible!

We'll work side by side to uncover the challenges and patterns that keep you from living the life you desire.


What are the symptoms of anxiety disorders?

Many people fail to notice if their friend or loved one is struggling with an anxiety disorder because the anxiety symptoms may be misinterpreted. However, upon a closer look, you will be able to notice clear signs when anxiety is a constant presence in someone’s life.

Physical symptoms include sweating, nausea, shortness of breath, fatigue, and a persistent feeling of restlessness. When talking with anxious people, you’ll often notice they are overwhelmed by excessive worry and always believe the worst will happen. Individuals with anxiety have often an all-or-nothing approach to everything and tend to overgeneralize.

Moreover, their worries and fears contribute to an anxious behavior that leads to the avoidance of the situations they fear the most, as well as increased frustration and irritability. People with anxiety tend to be consumed with indecisiveness and may fall into the trap of compulsive or obsessive behavior or phobic behavior.

What to do if you want to help people suffering from anxiety?

Anxiety is the most common mental health condition in the United States which means chances are you already know someone struggling with its effects. While it may not seem as dangerous as depression or other mental health conditions, anxiety can significantly impact someone’s life and can open the door to more serious mental health issues.


Learn about anxiety

First and foremost, it is important to educate ourselves regarding anxiety disorders and the toll they may take on our loved ones. Take the time to learn about the different forms of anxiety and try to identify the type of anxiety your friend or family member is trying to overcome. Familiarize yourself with the signs of anxiety and start recognizing them to better understand what triggers the fears and when it is the right time to intervene.

Be there for them

Telling someone you have noticed their struggle and want to be there for them may make a world of difference to them. People with anxiety often welcome help because this means they are not alone in their battle with their fears. The burden they have been carried up until that point suddenly feels lighter. Talk to them and express your concern and availability to listen.

Provide the support they prefer

Talk to the person who needs your help and see what type of support they prefer. For example, anxious people who struggle with an avoidant attachment style respond better to strong displays of practical support, while those who battle the fear of being abandoned may need emotional support. Understand their needs and patiently respond to them.

Encourage self-help and/or professional help

Calmly discuss the appropriate help they think they need. If the person wants to try and overcome their anxiety on their own, you can suggest meditation, self-help books, exercise, or relaxation training while encouraging them to always ask for help when they feel overwhelmed. Whether they ask for help from their loved ones or a professional, they need to feel validation and find that their feelings are acknowledged and treated with sensitivity.

What not to do if you want to help people suffering from anxiety?

Learning what is not helpful when you try to be there for anxious people is just as important as the things you do to help them heal.

Don’t encourage their anxious behavior

While helping people with anxiety plays an important part in the healing process, taking over for them and allowing them to rely on their avoidance behavior can do more harm than good. Stop doing things that may enable their anxiety and avoid providing constant reassurance. This will only make their anxiety worse and encourage them to remain stuck in their anxious pattern.

Don’t force them to face their fears

While anxious people need to face their fears and break the avoidance pattern, this needs to be done on their own terms or with the help of a psychologist or therapist. A person with anxiety will not react positively when forced to deal with a difficult situation if they haven’t taken the time and necessary steps to properly prepare mentally and emotionally.

Don’t judge or stigmatize them

One of the most frequent reactions anxious people get from their friends and family is the trivialization of their fears and worries. Even if you feel like their fear is not a big deal, avoid telling them that. This will only belittle their emotions, affect their self-respect, and will amount to nothing constructive. Also, avoid defining them only through their anxiety and reassure them that your opinion about them hasn’t changed even if they are now struggling with a mental health issue. Remind them about the positive aspects of their identity and spend time with them doing what they like and helps them feel better about themselves.


Do not let their anxiety take over your life

Helping someone with anxiety may have an impact on your mental health too. You may from time to time feel frustrated, tired, or even scared, and these emotions may affect your well-being. Set clear boundaries and try to deal with all these emotions rationally, so you can avoid turning them into your own anxiety. You are there to help them, but the healing process needs to be supervised by a health professional who can prescribe appropriate treatments for anxiety.

Depression is a serious mental health condition that may affect anyone at some point in their life. It doesn’t discriminate and has no favorites. It can affect young and old people, and no one is really immune to its symptoms. However, depression can be treated, and friends and family can make a difference for those suffering from this disorder. But only if they educate themselves and understand the toll depression can have on the mental health of their loved ones.

How do you know if a friend is suffering from depression?

Depression can impact a person’s everyday life and cause sadness, pain, and tremendous suffering. While associated with numerous symptoms, at times, it may feel like an invisible cloud looming over a person without them even being aware of its presence. There are different types of depression and different symptoms that betray its presence in the life of someone you love. A person suffering from this condition may exhibit common warning signs like:

Loss of interest in everyday tasks

They have lost interest in their work, hobbies, or any activities that used to bring them joy.

Social isolation

They avoid spending time with friends or family and have withdrawn from social activities.

Constant feelings of sadness and hopelessness

They are feeling sad all the time and seem to have lost their hope or become critical or irritable and adopt a pessimistic attitude regarding life.

woman sad

Changes in appetite

They eat more or less than usual, and you can notice a significant change in their weight.

Changes in their sleeping pattern

They either sleep more or less than usual and seem to always be disoriented, indecisive, and not really present anymore.

Increased alcohol consumption or substance abuse

They start to drink or rely on sleeping pills or painkillers to numb their pain.

While some people struggling with depression may exhibit symptoms like the ones mentioned above, others may simply feel unhappy or sad without any reason in particular. Children suffering from depression rarely manifest their depression through sadness and are more likely to exhibit it through irritability.

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What you need to understand about depression

Depression is a serious mental health condition and not just a rough patch someone is going through. It will not eventually pass on its own. The person going through this experience has no control over their state of mind and mood, and their emotional health is severely affected by this disorder. They find it hard to fight it on their own and, most of the time, especially when dealing with clinical depression, they need therapy to understand what they are going through. It is not enough to make them aware of their condition for them to start the healing process. Depression often overcomes the force of will.


Persons dealing with depression cannot be held accountable for everything hurtful they might say. They are struggling with an avalanche of emotions and find it very hard to find anything positive around them. This can only lead to increased irritability and frustration, often materialized as criticism and anger. Try to understand where they are coming from and don’t hold this against them. They still love you and this is not about you. Don’t take it personally.

The same goes for persons suffering from depression who have no interest in going to work, doing their chores, or engaging in any social activities. You shouldn’t label them as lazy, and you should try to understand they can barely find the energy to get out of bed. Depression is often accompanied by feelings of extreme tiredness and lack of motivation.

What you shouldn’t do if you want to help a friend with depression?

Ignoring a friend with depression is never the way to go, nor is helping them hide their issue. This can only drag them deeper into an unhealthy pattern and “legitimize” their behavior stripping them of any intention to ask for help or discuss their problems with a therapist. The person suffering from this condition needs to get treatment as soon as possible to prevent their mental health concerns from getting worse and prolonging their dark times and even the risk of suicide.

A friend with depression is not a broken person in need of fixing. You do not need to come with a solution to their problems nor take upon yourself the burden of their depression. You cannot be responsible for a person’s happiness, thus you cannot consider yourself responsible for their depression either. What you can do is be there for them when they need support and love them. Finding the path to recovery from depression is a personal journey that only the person battling the condition can find and walk on.

girl crying

What can you do if you want to help a friend with depression?

If you think your friend is suffering from depression, you can start by paying attention to common signs that may indicate this condition. Observe their behavior and see if you can notice any symptoms of depression. Keep an eye on their mood changes and notice if they complain of unexplained pains and aches, like back pains or headaches.

Be there for them when they ask for help but avoid telling them depression is not a real problem or that it is natural to feel sad at times and everyone is going through tough times. Avoid giving them advice or serving them cliches about how they should focus on the positive or that it is all in their head. This will only make them withdraw even more and avoid your presence.

Be compassionate and show you care about them and that their friendship is important. Depression is never someone’s fault and can’t be fixed overnight. Listen to everything the person has to tell you, and don’t make any judgments. Sometimes, listening to someone is enough to make them feel better and lighter.


Offer to help them with daily tasks and create a routine for them to feel more in control and at ease around you. Encourage them to respect their treatment, take their medication, and participate in meetings organized by support groups. Explain they are not alone in this journey and that you are going to be there for them every step of the way. Discuss the beneficial effects of eating healthier and spending time outdoors.

People with severe depression may contemplate suicide. You need to understand the suicide risk and be aware of the fact that it is possible for your friend to think about taking their own life. If you believe this to be true, act immediately and talk to them about your concern. Ask for help from a mental health professional and let their family and close friends know about the risk. Create a safe environment around them and make sure they don’t have medications or weapons at hand. If the risk for suicide is high, call 911 and do not leave the person on their own.

Often the holiday season is seen as a wonderful time of the year, however that doesn’t have the same joyous impact on everyone. People struggling with mental health issues and unaccepting families may find the holiday season quite difficult to manage and at times, triggering. The media portrays the holidays as a magical season where families get together around the tree, sing carols, and share laughter. The pressure to rise to the expectations of the season combined with the stress of family gatherings may bring mental health struggles to the surface.

Additionally, people who spend the holidays alone may experience increased feelings of loneliness and sadness when faced with society’s “demand” to have a joyous time. While many enjoy making holiday plans, 64% of people living with mental health conditions report that the holiday season makes their mental conditions worse.


Spending time with family can turn into a very stressful time and become a source of anxiety, especially for members of the LGBTQ community. Many LGTBQ and non-binary individuals are exposed to homophobic and transphobic sentiments and rejection by family members throughout the year and may be exacerbated during family reunions. Family time may become a reminder of feeling “othered” by your family. Feeling “othered” by family can increase feelings of loneliness and depression. And even if members of the LGBTQ community choose not to return home for the holidays, the expectation of spending the holidays with family in a cheerful setting may loom over them which can increase feelings of anxiety and depression.

Even people who have no history of mental health challenges may at times experience anxiety, frustration, sadness, fatigue, and loneliness around holiday time, particularly when associated with the COVID-19 crisis. Whether you are living with a mental health challenge or not, the holiday season can bring an immense amount of stress. Here are some helpful tips on how to manage through the holiday season:

No matter how you may feel, change is possible!

We'll work side by side to uncover the challenges and patterns that keep you from living the life you desire.


Acknowledge your feelings

Every holiday season has a different emotional charge. Take a step back and analyze your emotions. Listen to your mind and soul and see what they need to feel better. Is the holiday spirit reservoir empty? That is fine. Accept that this year you lack the enthusiasm and capacity to get all caught up in the traditional cheeriness. Happiness can’t be forced! Embrace your emotions and remember that you are not alone in feeling this way.

Bring a Reminder with you

If you are at a family event that may bring added stress, bring something with you. This could be a picture of a loved one, an essential oil to ground you when overwhelmed, a piece of paper with a mantra on it, a funny animal video online, etc. Step away at times and look at these reminders.

woman in therapy

Communicate with your partner ahead of time

If you are bringing someone with you to a holiday event create a plan ahead of time regarding the type of support you may need. It’s important to strategize in order for you to feel support, connection, and security. Remember that you are on the same team as your significant other. If you feel you need to leave an event early or buy one less gift it’s important for your partner to be supportive and attuned to your needs.

Be realistic about shopping and hosting

Ask others to help with the burdens of holiday shopping, decorating the house, and cooking meals. Spend only the money you can afford to avoid the stress of having to think about ways to save money next year to cover the debt. Don’t sacrifice your mental health for the sake of appearances. Admit if you can’t afford to buy presents this year. No one will judge you. And even if they would, your mental health is more important than anyone’s opinion.

woman sitting drinking coffee

Be honest with yourself and connect with a safe community

If possible, try to avoid forced celebrations that you do not feel comfortable attending. Be gentle and kind to yourself, and don’t force unrealistic expectations. Connect with your loved ones, your support group, a therapist, or simply start a conversation with some of your friends. A simple walk with a friend can plant the seed of hope and joy you can experience in the years to come.

Avoid alcohol consumption

Alcohol may make you feel better in the moment, but it is known to be a depressant. Try to not rely on alcohol or drugs to make it through.. Both may only make your mental health condition worse. Numbing your feelings is not the only way to work through the holiday blues and manage your mental health needs. Alcohol can worsen your anxiety and depression.


Prioritize self-care

Include healthy habits in your schedule, and do not sacrifice them to make time for others. Your physical health is very important. Exercise, eat healthy meals, and try to relax as much as possible. If you need a break from all the merriness, take a break. Set healthy boundaries and take care of yourself. You can go out for a walk, watch a movie, practice deep breathing, or meditate. Whatever takes you back to yourself and helps you soothe your feelings of anxiety or stress! Remember that winter also comes with less sunlight and this may have an impact on your mood. Try to include outdoor exercise in your routine to get your share of natural light.

Be assertive (if safe to do so)

No one feels comfortable during tension created by conflicts and sometimes we avoid confrontations but sometimes, especially for LGBTQ and non-binary individuals, assertiveness may be necessary. CAUTION- assertiveness is only healthy to utilize if there are no safety concerns, please assess for any safety concerns first. If there are no safety concerns, here some helpful ways to be assertive. Speak up for yourself if you feel hurt by certain comments or you believe to be the victim of microaggressions, such as snubs or insults, regardless of whether they are intentional or unintentional. You do not need to change for anyone, and this should be your mantra. Set gentle yet firm boundaries to stop any potential toxicity. Repeat to yourself whenever necessary that you have the right to be who you are and you deserve everyone’s respect.